Whether you’re 18 or 80 great sex takes great courage. Why? Because this most marvelous gift, one of the greatest gifts that life has to offer, is one that we take far too often for granted.
In our younger years, prior to our first sexual experience, great sex looms so large in our minds that it’s almost impossible to imagine that we could ever be so blas’. Unfortunately we quickly learn two important lessons:
1) The world has a habit of adding so many demands and stresses to our lives that any sex, let alone great sex, can end up way on the back burner before we even realize it disappeared.
2) Sex in itself offers no guarantees, only promises of possibility ‘ the making it great is all up to you and your partner.
This is where the courage comes in. The first courage is the courage to ensure that sex is a part of your regular life, no matter how hectic and stressful it becomes. The second courage is the courage to take the time and responsibility to make great sex happen for both you and your partner. Is it all up to you? No, but far too many of us sit back and wait for another person to take the initiative, too fulfill our fantasies, and then get angry and annoyed when it doesn’t happen. Everyone’s waiting for the other person to have the courage to act first. Change your life! Be courageous yourself.
Great sex, like any other challenge in life, can seem overwhelming when taken as a whole ‘ so I’ve broken down the areas where I believe we need sexual courage the most in order to really keep things hot:
The Courage to Ask What She Needs for Great Sex
Perhaps I’m a bit old fashioned, but I say ask ladies first. We continue to live in a culture that sends mixed messages about sex, but men don’t hit nearly as hard with the double standards that women do. The world accepts that you like and want sex, but it still frowns on women who know how to go after what they want sexually. With this in mind know ahead of time that you’re going to be with women who are going to have a hard time telling you what they want, and know that just because they aren’t speaking up doesn’t mean they wouldn’t like things a bit differently than they’re going down with you right now.
You need to have the courage to ask a woman what she needs to not only feel aroused but to really enjoy sex. The easy route is to think you know what she wants. Here’s the big problem with that, people are always changing, as are their tastes and interests. What thrilled the last woman, or even the same woman two months ago, isn’t necessarily what’s going to thrill her now. Yes, I know, many women are notoriously shy about sharing this type of information. You may need to ask, and ask and ask again before you get a clear answer ‘ but ask away! Most men don’t! Dare to be different and be informed, it’s information you’ll put to very good use.
The Courage to Ask for What You Need for Great Sex
Nothing is more embarrassing and challenging for most of us than asking for what we need ‘ especially sexually ‘ but you need to have the courage to do it anyway. All men are not created the same, all men aren’t totally satisfied with a blow job or a few minutes of intercourse, and yet you’d certainly think that was the case if you only took the popular media into account. You need to know what you want and what you need. If you don’t know, but have an idea, you need to have the courage to ask to try things out. All men are not the same. What’s different and interesting and unique about you sexually? How would you like to be touched, caressed and stroked in ways that you’ve never experienced before? Take the time to recognize and realize that your entire body is a possible zone for pleasure.
If you’re courageous about what you want and need sexually (and ask in a nice way) you’ll be surprised by how your honesty will allow your partner to do more of the same. Your ideas will play off each other, which will mean more and more interesting encounters. How can that be a bad thing?
Great Sex: The Courage to Be Creative
Frankly I find it amazing that men can get in a sexual rut, doing the same things, same amount of foreplay, same positions, as quickly as they do’but they do! Trust me, I know! You will be a great lover, a courageous lover, by not allowing this to happen to you. You will not allow this to happen by indulging your creative side ‘ even if you don’t indulge it anywhere else.
Of course many people fall into a sexual rut because they lack the courage to tell their partner’s their wants, needs and ideas. We’ve already discussed how you need to NOT be one of these people’but you also need to be a man who is ready to continue pushing the envelope. Great sex isn’t always going to happen in the comfort of your own bed, her bed, or the couch in either one of your living rooms. Great sex can happen anywhere; on a beach, in a meadow, in a pool, on a plain, in the car, in a hotel, in a restaurant bathroom and the list goes on and on. Great sex can mean different positions, outfits, role playing, you name it, but one thing great sex is going to be is creative, and creativity comes from the mind.
Feed your sexuality, and allow it to grow. Become a connoisseur of sexuality, not just a passive porn drone. Porn is fine for entertainment but it isn’t necessarily going to teach you many techniques that will drive women wild. As I’ve said before, I have no problem with porn (unless it contains violence or inferred violence to another human being) but most porn is made by men for men.
If you want to watch story telling about human sexuality at its best I recommend you go to the foreign section of your video store and check out French films ‘ both on modern day and historical dramas. Learn to have an attention span, learn to enjoy something other than action and killing in your movies and you’ll be amazed at the sensuality and splendor of filmmaking around the world that will truly dazzle your senses. Unlike our strange culture the French don’t glorify violence while at the same time shunning real passion and sexual intimacies between the sexes. The sex scenes in their movies will show you far more than we see in American movies (yes, and they are hot) and most importantly, they’ll show you what women really like.
As you can see for great sex you’re going to need to have the courage to broaden your horizons. Books are the other fantastic way to feed your mind (the largest sexual organ). There are a plethora of great books out there on improving your sex life (like our own Dating Insider!). Challenge yourself to learn something new about sex every week and then have the courage to put this new knowledge into action. I guarantee your world will open up in whole new ways you never expected.
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